I don't want to raise a good child...

It seems as though I am in constant prayer for my sons Blake, 15 and Jordan, 11.  Being a Momma of a 15 year old is NOT EASY I tell ya.  I am always praying that I find the right way to reach him, the golden ticket of motherhood that would magically give me the answers I so desperately want/need. It's a delicate balance for me. One definition for Independence in Webster's is defined as this: "Not looking to others for one's opinion or guidance in conduct."  ( Ummm...did I see a picture of my son behind that sentence?  Okay, well maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me...but I could've swore...anyway - back to the regularly scheduled blogging)


 I subscribe to Lysa TerKeurst from Proverbs31.org and she wrote something today that really hit the mark for me.  Maybe it will for someone else too.

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I don’t want to raise a good child

My daughter, Hope, is a senior this year.  And she decided her senior year should be adventurous and a little out of the “normal” box.  A lot out of the box actually.
She withdrew from traditional school.  Applied with the state to homeschool. Enrolled in on-line college courses that would allow her to get both high school and college credit simultaneously. And planned to spend the month of January serving in Nicaragua doing missions.
This didn’t surprise me really.  Because Hope has always like charting her own course.
When she was really little I was scared to death I was the world’s worst mom, because Hope was never one to be contained.  And I honestly thought all her extra tenacity was a sign of my poor mothering.
One day I took her to the mall to meet several of my friends with toddlers to grab lunch.  All of their kids sat quietly eating cheerios in their strollers.  They shined their halos and quoted Bible verses and used tissues to wipe their snot.
Not Hope.
She was infuriated by my insistence she stay in her stroller.  So, when I turned away for a split second to place our lunch order, she wiggled free.  She stripped off all her clothes.  She ran across the food court.  And jumped in the fountain in the center of the mall.
Really nothing makes the mother of a toddler feel more incapable than seeing her naked child splashing in the mall fountain.  Except maybe that toddler refusing to get out and said mother having to also get into the fountain.
I cried all the way home.
Not because of what she’d done that day.  But rather because of how she was everyday.   So determined.  So independent.  So insistent.
I would beg God to show me how to raise a good child. One that stayed in her stroller.  One that other people would comment about how wonderfully behaved she was.  One that made me look good.
But God seemed so slow to answer those prayers.  So, over the years, I changed my prayer.  ”God help me to raise Hope to be who you want her to be.”  Emphasis on, “God HELP ME!”
I think I changed my prayers for her because God started to change my heart.  I started sensing He had a different plan in mind for my mothering of Hope.
Maybe God’s goal wasn’t for me to raise a good rule following child.  God’s goal was for me to raise a God-following adult.  An adult just determined and independent and insistent enough to fulfill a purpose He had in mind all along.
I don’t know what mama needs to hear this today.  But let me encourage you from the bottom of my heart with 3 simple mothering perspectives you must hang on to:
1.  Don’t take too much credit for their good.
2.  Don’t take too much credit for their bad.
3.  Don’t try to raise a good child.  Raise a God-following adult.
And all the mamas of fountain dancing children said, “Amen!”

That is some good advice!  I am going to let that roll around in my mind and heart today.  

God, change me to stop being so fearful of how he's going to turn out and start thanking you for the person You are molding him to be.  

I'm sure there will be more blogs about my kids.  They are my life.  Jordan - the soon to be 12 year old seems so easy compared to this soon to be 16 year old...haha!  They are good kids and I thank God everyday for them.  Heck, THEY are making ME the person that I am constantly being re-shaped and molded into.  

Get it together Judy!

2012 has been eventful already.  I have been cleaning, organizing and throwing stuff out!  Feels so good to purge.  I am - of course - back on the weight loss train....I want this last year of my 30's to be my "get it together" year.  Get it together with what God wants of me, get it together in the Mom department (being consistent, firm and positive - balanced), be the best wife I possibly can and get it together in the ME department.  That is enough right there to keep me busy for the whole year! (the ME dept.)


I am going to pretty much use this blog as my tool to "get it off my chest".  This year should be interesting. Now if I can just remember to BLOG...that would be a good first step. haha!


I didn't make any resolutions for 2012...because I usually don't keep them.  I don't want to set myself up for failure.  However, I do have to keep trying...keep on keepin' on as my Dad says.


First things first.  My personal relationship with Jesus is #1 on the 2012 "get it together" list.  I have become increasingly aware the parallel between my relationship with God and my relationship with my son.  As a Momma, I long for those days when he is actually interested in talking to me and sharing his life with me.  That is not as often as I would like. I remember being this way as a teenager with my parents and I am so sorry Mom and Dad!!  When I pray and have my devotion time, I am constantly reminded of this feeling that I have and wonder if that is how God must feel sometimes.  It has prompted me to be more real with Him instead of just surface.  I don't want a surface relationship with Him...I want a REAL - get into my business - relationship with Him.  Already in the first month of 2012 He has made Himself real to me by answering prayers and for showing up in a situation when it seemed so out of control.  I used to kind of snicker when I heard someone say "Daddy God"....but it's TRUE.  He is our Father in every sense of the word. I probably still won't ever physically say that phrase, but I get it.  


My grandmother, a.k.a. Bom Bom, used to always say "Lord Willing" after almost everything. We kids used to kid around because she used it for literally everything.  It's because she ran literally EVERYTHING past Him first before she did it.  That's something to strive for.  


When I was a teenager, there was a situation that came up that was a "gray area".  I wanted to participate and my Dad wasn't comfortable with it at all.  I didn't understand in the least bit...because it was a church function and how in the world could there be anything wrong with a church function...right?!  I remember him looking in my eyes and saying "Have I ever steered you wrong?"  My answer was a shake of the head "No".  He said, "Do you trust me?"  I nodded my head "Yes".  He just said "I don't know what else to say, but as your Dad, just trust me"  That conversation plays in my head a lot...and I've actually used it recently with my son Blake.   


God tells us to do the same.  
Proverbs 3:5-6 (AMP)
Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

So for some, 2012 may be "year the world's going to end"...but for me...it's going to be the year of sharing what God has done for me, getting it together and giving Him all the glory.